BROTHERHOOD

He was (and still is) a dedicated Zionist Chomsky-hater Mike-disliker Bush voter counter-terrorism freak, and he scarcely posted, always as a very intelligent but just yet another cynical heartless bastard. We had had detailed but cold discussions, and he invariably backed up his points with meticulous care, a weird sense of paradox and more than a slight contempt for his topic and his opponent. I didn’t like him but more than once had he left me holding back feelings of admiration and nostalgia, “if only…”

Then came what must have been one of the worst months of my life, and even though I had only made a discreet, single post on that board, he engaged in dialogue in a blend of curiosity and interest. Now normally I wouldn’t have trusted him, but I was so low I didn’t give a damn and I told him everything. And he took the trouble to hold out his hand to me and to find words both rational and tactful to bring some peace to my tortured mind. His percipient stance was the only ray of light to reach my heart, for I didn't want to lull myself with false hopes and unlike my friends he was detached enough about what was on my mind to be both lucid and convincing. When I told him “Like it or not, I regard you as a friend”, he said he was glad. And when he told me “We probably disagree on everything”, I said “Probably. Does it matter ?”, and he didn’t reply.

He turned out to be an amazing guy, kind-hearted, delicate and funny as hell. He compels me, he excites me, he cracks me up, I’m hooked, I’m charmed, I’m captivated, I rarely had it so bad for an online moniker, and never at all for a right wing scum. We're as thick as thieves – online or not, we're friends. I’m not sure how long it can last, but as Paul Weller put it :

It doesn't matter if we never meet again,
What we have said will always remain.
If we get through for two minutes only,
It will be a start!

Gotta be honest, the right wingers are another world and it's fascinating when you discover one of them has learned the same language as you at the same school. That's him and me. Not his language, not my language, something that has to do with experience and life. It's very elusive, very fragile. But brotherhood is made of this. Mike is so right you know : it's fear, nothing but fear, instilled into the minds of people otherwise good. It's tragic. Fuck Bush to pieces.

Also, the more someone looks weird to you, the more he's actually you - the self you don't want to see and you try to hide. I think opinions are delusional - who the hell knows why he or she thinks the way he/she does anyway : experience ? learning ? culture ? childhood trauma ? books read ? TV shows seen ? personal thinking ? authority accepted ? some talking head's make-up ? We all have our areas of awareness and our areas of slumber, and we all have truths unbearable to face. I know I have. This guy is a Jew and to me he clearly has a matching neurosis. He's as knee-jerk about Zionism as I am about Mike. Sad difference is, I think he's driven by fear and I'm driven by love. But who knows. May be it's the opposite. What matters in the end is how we relate to honesty and integrity.

And humour…

And so this is Christmas, and what have you done ? Doesn’t look like the orgy of civil disobedience I’ve dreamed of is going to happen, nor anything else until Inauguration Day. Who cares. Silent, every day miracles are not bad either. God bless Moore-dislikers and protect their rare, endangered species. And God bless this one’s Jewish ass. Hanakah is over but there’s still plenty of fun to make of our common bundle of absurdity – hopefully.